Going a little stir crazy

We have had the craziest weather this week. I live in the Pacific Northwest and in a nutshell that means our weather consists of:

What my kids see on the windows most of the time - but hey, it makes everything really green

October - June: Rain.

July-September: Mostly beautiful sun, mixed with some more rain

Sprinkled with the occassional snowfall about once every other year, usually in January.

Rain and gray - I am used to. Snow is fun for a few days, then I want it to go away so I can drive without worrying about all the freaky people who panic and might hit me.

This week has been something else though. We had a few days of snow - enough that the kids were having fun with it. Then the ice storm hit last night. Cold, icky, stingy ice coating everything in a big heavy mess of white - emphasis on heavy. The ice has been knocking down trees all over the place and we've lost power twice. We're among the lucky ones, with lights ablaze tonight and my prayers are with people who have had their homes hit by trees and who are going on day two of no power in freezing cold weather.

Have I mentioned we're all used to rain out here? I don't know how all those midwest and east coast folks handle it!

As long as we keep our power (especially heat!), the weather isn't really all that bad. Except nothing this week has gone as normal and I'm enough of a routine-oriented person that it is starting to get to me. This morning I felt like I didn't even know what day it was. Between my continuing adjustment to my husband's new job schedule (commuting really far a few days a week and working from home the others), and this week of wild weather, school closures (my poor homeschool kids, LOL - although they did get plenty of time playing in the snow with friends), and basically stuck-at-home-ness, I am starting to feel a little stir-crazy.

While my husband was outside whacking our birch tree with a sword to get the ice off, since it was doubled over under the weight of the ice as if it were bent at the waist... oh wait, did I just gloss over the fact that he was out there whacking tree branches with a sword? Yes, a real one. Yeah, we're that weird. Anyway.... I went outside to take a picture (because who doesn't want a picture of their cutie husband all bundled up, sword in hand, battling that nasty ice),

and although I was dressed in nothing but yoga pants, a t-shirt and boots, I stayed outside for a good 10 minutes because it felt so good to be out. of. the. house. Fresh air! Freedom! As my fingers burned with the cold and my lips started to turn blue, I realized I should probably go back inside. But I so didn't want to.

The roads are too icy for it to make sense for me to leave. And I'm sure there are times and places where people are stuck inside far longer than this. But good grief, I am feeling the beginnings of cabin fever coming on. And it isn't just cabin fever - I'm off schedule, off kilter and just plain off.

I can't even get to the store to buy some chocolate. Now that's a tragedy.

Guardian Angel in a dream

I just got off the phone with my mom (I have the lovliest mom, by the way). She shared a dream with me that she had last night and it was utterly amazing - I just have to write about it.

She dreamt that she was walking somewhere with a companion (her word). The person she was with was larger than she is, but it wasn't someone she knows specifically,; she wasn't even sure if it was male or female. But they were walking together and talking and going in and out of some buildings, and my mom had the sense that they weren't really supposed to be there. A woman came out and started yelling at them to get out, that they weren't allowed. My mom was feeling angry at this person, and was about to yell back when her companion said, "It's ok that we are here. Anyone who welcomes us will have good things in return." At this, they yelling woman stopped and allowed them to pass.

As she walked with her companion, my mom was talking about how she felt sad that she had so many ideas that she felt were lost - stories she would never write, things she would never remember. Her companion said to her, "Don't you know? We remember everything. Every thought, every feeling, every idea you have ever had, we keep. Every memory, every moment, everything you have ever thought or felt or wondered or hoped. Everything is here." And then she saw it all, stretched out before her - memories that she can't recall in the waking world today, of playing with her sisters and brothers, things when she was a toddler, her whole life stretched out in front of her and she could see that every detail was there.

Then her companion said, "We keep it all close, all of these things that are you. Every thought or feeling you have had, we love and we cherish. We keep it all and it is all here for you."

<Insert jaw dropping to the floor face here.>

After she finished her story, I asked her, "Mom, do you realize what that was?" She paused, and said, "It was an angel."

"Mom it was your guardian angel."

My mom's Guardian Angel visited her in a dream last night. And with such a message of hope and reassurance. "Every thought or feeling you have had, we love and we cherish. We keep it all and it is all here for you." What a beautiful thought. All of who we are, every bit of who we have been through our lives, exists. We may not be able manipuate those memories to the surface, we may forget and feel as if we don't know. But it is all still there, kept for us.

A "what if" occurred to me that I have not considered before. What if, when we reach the fullness of Heaven, we are not only united in the glory of God, but we are united within ourselves. Made whole again. The fullness of who we are is restored. No more pieces and fragments and half forgotten experiences. A whole, complete being.

I'm so grateful for the blessing of that dream for my mom. She described it as being the most beautiful dream she has ever had. What a gift. I am truly blown away.

When Daddy takes over

Ok, my husband is a great father. Awesome. The best.

And..

Sometimes, I just have to shake my head.

We have it worked out that on days he works from home, he "takes over" with the kids after dinner so I can work. Tonight is really the first night we've done it this way and I just... don't... know... :)

He put on a movie. Ok, fine. I just hope that doesn't become the default. They don't need to watch that much TV, but I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of thinking, "If they aren't watching something, I have to watch them... and I'm tired..." I know he's worn out. He's been working really hard and we're all adjusting to his new schedule. But seriously, I can't have them watching a movie every time it's Daddy Night. I'll be honest, part of my criticism of it is that if he always watches movies or TV with them, I will feel like I have to keep the TV off the rest of the day so they aren't watching too much TV (for my liking). I want their TV time to be on my watch, so I can let them watch cartoons while I take a break or get things done - when I need them distracted!

Plus, the TV thing doesn't work well with Ella. She's two. She does two-year-old things. Putting on a movie means she'll watch a bit, then get up and start playing/making messes/getting into things - or, banging on my bedroom door shouting, "Mama! Awe you in dere!" over and over.

When the movie was over, I heard him shout, "Who wants to go get ice cream!" Ah, such a Daddy thing to do. I don't know about the daddies at your houses, but in our house, Daddy is often known as Treat Daddy. Seriously, my boys have called him that. He LOVES to give them treats. It's simultaneously very sweet, and extraordinarily exasperating. A) they don't need ANOTHER treat (I already heard him bribe Ella with chocolate kisses to come downstairs and stop beating on my door) and B) it's 7:24, which means they SHOULD be upstairs cleaning up their toys and getting ready for bed.

Sigh.

It's a perennial problem for moms, isn't it? We want Daddy to be an invovled and active parent. But it's hard to give him the room to do so, knowing he's going to do things his way and that (often) isn't how we'd be doing things.

He really is great though. But ice cream? Now? Oh heavens...

Thinking about the new year

Here we are, at the time of year when resolutions are made, a fresh start is begun and people are often thinking about how to make themselves better.

I usually make a few resolutions. I know people that don't out of principal, because it's something "everyone" does and "no one" ever follows through, so why bother. And I know people that journal or blog or post on Facebook all their resolutions in order to be accountable, then manage to track their progress.. at least for a while.

I fall somewhere in the middle. I usually have a resolution or three. Sometimes I remember them in February, sometimes not. Except during times when I was pregnant or breastfeeding, I usually resolve to lose weight or get in better shape. Last year my resolution was that this year I would not resolve to lose weight (meaning, of course, that I'd have lost it already). So this year I will not be making a new year's resolution to lose weight - even though some of the weight seems to have found me again. ;)

My one resolution, if I choose to call it that (depending on whether I'm currently siding with the pro-resolution types or the anti), is to make daily toy pick up a habit. I have been severely lax in teaching my children to pick up after themselves and to take care of their things. Two problems are resulting from said parenting failure. 1) My kids aren't taking responsibility for their own things and 2) I am going insane with the tasks of trying to keep this house in a reasonable state of tidiness.

Up until now, I have been bad about toy pickup because with small children, it really means a lot more work for me. I know there are probably magical parents out there with magical toddlers who learn to pick up their toys and do so happily alongside their mommies as she sings a fun clean up song. I am not that mommy. Clean up in my house goes something like,

"Ok everyone, time to clean up!" (pointing to each child in turn) "You can start with the stuffed animals. Yes, put them in the bucket. No, it doesn't matter which color. No, its ok if David's toys go in the red bucket, they just need to be in the buckets. And you, start with the Legos.... Yes, all of them. Ok, at least put them on the lego table in your room, we can sort them later. And I know the pile is already huge, so put them in the bins. Wait! Ella! Don't dump out the stuffed animals baby, we're cleaning up! Here sweetheart, can you put the animals back in? That's right! No, not out again honey. We're cleaning up. Grayson, you're supposed to be picking things up, not building a spaceship. Yes David, I know you're the only one cleaning up toys, but you're the oldest so you can handle it. Ella! Oh sweet girl, really, just go find Daddy and get your teeth brushed. I know you want to help, but dumping the puzzles out is not helping Mommy right now..." and so forth.

Once I've started the process, we see it through, but it tends to take a while and then they're late getting to bed and it's just... tiring. So I wind up leaving most of the mess until it really starts to get to me (or we have guests coming) and then I wind up doing most of the work myself because it's just easier.

The "its just easier" cop out is not usually a great long term strategy in parenting.

So I'm going to build clean up time into our nightly routine. Seems simple enough, the kicker is the follow through. I need to get everyone upstairs earlier than we do now so we have time to pick up. But imagine, things cleaned up at the end of the day. No legos to step on in the morning when I stumble out of my room. No piles of things to walk around. No dress up clothes scattered in the hallway. Things roughly in their places. Ahhh, the peace of a bit of tidiness.

It's something I need to work on for myself as much as them. I keep hearing these words echoing in my mind, although I can't remember where I read them, "Don't do anything that your children can do for themselves." That's an approach that I can really embrace. Not only do I want to teach them responsibility, I want the extra help! I haven't been great about it up until now, but hey, what's a new year for if not to try to improve :).

Keeping it simple. and real.

So many of my friends are caught up in the just-before-Christmas frenzy. Shopping, wrapping, baking... busy, busy, busy. I'm prone to being overwhelmed with the here and now of living all too often during the rest of the year. I knew this year that if I was going to have a calm and peaceful Advent and Christmas, I was going to have to keep it simple. And real.

Here is my recipe this year for a stress-free holiday. And no, it does not involve finishing all my shopping and wrapping before December 1st.

My list of things I don't do is longer than my list of things I do
I didn't read every Tomie dePaola Christmas book and do themed crafts and baking to go along with them. We didn't make handmade Christmas gifts to give to all our relatives. We didn't bake endless batches of cookies to put on cute little paper plates and pass out to all our neighbors and friends. I didn't have Advent themed projects every day or tons of Christmas crafts. I didn't even send out Christmas cards.

We prioritized what was important and ditched the rest
We watched our favorite Christmas movies with the kids. We'll bake Santa cookies on Friday. I did most of my shopping online. We made some salt dough ornaments because I was in the mood. We've read lots of Christmas stories. I'll wrap the rest of the presents this week, a little at a time. That's about it.

I took my favorite ideas that we didn't do, and filed them away for another year
With no guilt, I might add. The Internet is amazing and I have found about a gazillion really great ideas for projects, homeschool, books, etc. And I can't do even half of them. I just don't have time. So rather than killing myself trying to squeeze in everything, I'm filing ideas away (and this is why I love pinterest) for another year.

If it stresses me out, I won't do it
My house will not be spotless when we have friends and family over for Christmas brunch. I already mentioned, I didn't do Christmas cards. I don't wrap presents all fancy. I'm lucky just to remember everyone that we planned to buy for. I have enough going on that adding additional things simply isn't worth it.

The purpose of Advent is to prepare our hearts for Jesus. In celebrating his birth, we celebrate not only the fact that He came into the world as King and Sacrifice - we celebrate that He will return for us. And whether He calls us one by one and we meet Him when it is our time, or someday comes for us all at once, this time of year should be peaceful, serene and joyful. So I refuse to do more than I need to, more than makes my family happy. Yes, we believe in Santa and we hang stockings and play all types of Christmas music and we'll open too many presents and eat too much pie. But in the days leading up to the feast of feasts, I am making a conscious effort to keep my heart in the right place. Enjoy my family, pick activities that are fun and not stressful, and leave the rest for later.

Simple. Real.

Happy birthday to my biggest baby

My oldest child turned 7 yesterday.

I remember so well the day he was born - seeing this little person who I already knew so well. We were instantly in love with him, in a way that I had never realized was possible. We couldn't stop looking at him - his face, his little fingers and toes. Delicious!

Now he is seven. He is confident and a little bossy, but so sensitive to his own feelings as well as the feelings of others. He wants to be good and please everyone and hates getting in trouble. He can seem so fragile one moment and unbreakable the next. He's wicked smart, with such a literal and logical mind. He has declared he will be a scientist when he grows up since he was about three, and it wouldn't surprise me a bit if he does. He has such a passion for learning and discovery and wants to know, down to the tiniest detail, how everything works. He asks at least 1,852 questions a day and his most spoken word, even at this age, is probably "why?"

He's a sweet and kind big brother, most of the time. He's very social and does not like being alone, or feeling like he's missing something. He and his brother are inseparable and he dotes on his sister. He's the most ticklish person I know. He's fun and funny and smart and wonderful.

I have no idea how I got so lucky as to be blessed with such a great kid. I am endlessly thankful to God for trusting me with his little soul.

Happy birthday to my little man.

Does it really have to be that way?

This photo has been making the rounds on Facebook lately:

I'll be honest - I didn't find it all that funny.

I don't fault the person who created it, nor the people who posted and reposted it. But instead of making me giggle, it made me think - does it really have to be that way? Because one very big reason that people will laugh at a picture like that, is because it rings true. They see something of themselves, or their families, in it. Perhaps not quite so extreme, but I'm sure there are millions of families out there (especially those with teens) that feel as if they see the top of their kids heads more often than their faces, as they lean forward, intent on texting their friends or reading the latest must-read tweets or Facebook updates.

Does it really have to be that way?

I look around at so many things that most people in our culture consider to be "the norm." Maybe not ideal, maybe not even desirable, but many don't question them because it seems to be "the way it is." People don't sit down and eat together very often. Kids have a zillion different clubs, sports, and activities that turn parents into taxis. Everyone has a phone on them every second of the day so they don't miss out on one single thing that happens to their friends... ever. They are constantly connected, constantly distracted. People used to talk about how much TV their family watched with a slight tinge of guilt or worry if it might be too much. Now things are far more complicated. We bring our TVs with us, everywhere we go, and they aren't just TVs anymore. They are little computers and communication devices, making disconnection from the world of peers, pressure and drama nearly impossible. Home is no longer the safe haven for those having a rough day. The complexities of peer interactions follow them everywhere they go and connection with the family seems to be fading away into obscurity.

Does it really have to be that way?

Perhaps I am naive because my kids are still young enough to believe their parents are the greatest people in the world, followed very closely by their siblings, and probably tied with various members of their extended family. It is easy for me to look into our future and think, "We'll be different. We won't let those things rule our lives the way other people do. We'll do it right."

But will we? Am I kidding myself?

The truth is, I don't really know. I'd like to think that we are going to sidestep some of those issues of family disconnectedness because my husband and I both place a high value on family connection. I'd like to think we will always make time for dinners together and keep outside commitments in their place as being secondary to the family. I'd like to think we'll keep our kids free from the slavery of electronics until we feel they are old enough for the responsibility, and then create boundaries to make sure those things don't dominate their lives. I'd like to think our kids won't be so obsessed with peer relationships and fitting in because we're doing things a little bit differently.

I suppose I won't know the answers to those questions until we cross those bridges, but I'll admit, I'm optimistic. If I'm honest, I do believe it is possible to raise a family that doesn't fall victim to all the pitfalls of our popular culture. Not that we will be perfect and not face common problems and challenges along the way. But we've gotten pretty adept at questioning the norm the last few years, so why stop now? Why assume that my kids will be sullen, argumentative, peer-obsessed creatures in 10 years. Why not assume that things can be different - that for us, it doesn't have to be that way, if we make the right choices along the way.