Wednesday, May 11, 2011


My heart hurts for my sister-in-law. Her boyfriend broke up with her a few days ago, and it's been rough. They hadn't been together very long, but she fell for him hard. Last weekend they were talking about eventual marriage, then suddenly he's ending it. She's devastated and I wish there was more I could do to help.

It hit me this afternoon that there's nothing I can do. I can, and will, pray for both of them. But I kept trying to think of what I could say, or who I could talk to that might influence what is going on. Could I send him a message on Facebook? Could I talk to his aunt, who I know well, and maybe she'd wind up passing on some of my obviously brilliant advice? I even started writing out some of my thoughts of what I might say to him if I had the chance, but before I got very far, something stopped me. Somehow I just know that I shouldn't. I'm not sure if it's because it wouldn't help anyway, or because I have it all wrong, or because even if he needs to hear what I would say, he doesn't need to hear it from me.

When it comes to things like this, I tend to come out swinging. My husband and I went through some uncertain times before we got married and honestly, there were times I wasn't sure if we would stay together. But I wanted to, I wanted him and I wanted to marry him. So I fought for it. She's so much more passive than I am, and right now she's gone straight into self-preservation mode. She's trying to stamp out any ounce of hope that things might change and they might get back together. She's trying desperately to tamp down her feelings for him and convince herself to move on. I'm having to hold back in what I say to her, and not simply project my own experience and my own feelings onto her situation. I want to tell her to go talk to him, tell him how she feels about all of it. But looking at it more objectively, I honestly don't feel that's the best advice. I don't think it would help, even if it is my first instinct.

Bascially, I'm just sad for her. I feel a little bit like I got dumped too. Not directly, but my heart hurts in a similar way. Obviously not nearly as much (not even close), but I've been in her shoes before and it's so, so hard.

I have no idea if anyone will see this, but if you do, please pray for my sister.


Calah said...

Oh, Claire, how sad. My little brother was recently broken up with by his girlfriend, and he too had a really hard time with it. Especially since she told him that "God told her to do it." It was hard on me to see him hurt like that.

I will say some prayers for your sister-in-law. That is such a raw, ragged kind of hurt. I remember it well, and still wince when I think of my worst break-up (ironically with the man who's now my husband).

Claire said...

Thanks Calah. She's doing better already, which is wonderful. She still hurts, but she's back up and about, doing most of her normal things and feeling ok more often than not. She has tremendous faith in God and it's been amazing to watch that carry her through.

And I share that experience with you - my worst breakup was also with the man I married later!

Thanks again :).