I've been discovering all these fabulous new blogs to read and inspiring doesn't even begin to cover it. Today, I was reading a blog post and the writer talked about how she's been spending time praying and working to discern God's will for her in regards to her writing. And she's come to some good conclusions for her - about what her goals are, and what she considers success.
I really need to do the same thing.
For a long time, I've longed to be a "real" writer, particularly a novelist. I've had dreams of bestsellers, of books flying off the shelves. In my more reality based dreams, I simply write something good that is published and hope for the best :). But I also do other types of writing, and I've really struggled, especially since motherhood and the subsequent changes to my lifestyle have made novel writing feel like a far off dream. What should I focus on? What should I write? For whom? And why?
What I need to do is pray about it and allow God to lead me and I've been making some attempts at that. I know, how hard could that be, right? "Dear God, please help me to know how I should use my writing talents (if they exist as I think they do)? Amen." But that's not enough. The key, and what I'm working on right now, is doing so with a humble, open, and willing heart.
Because what I really mean is, "Dear God, please tell me that you want me to write fabulous novels that people love and if it works out, I might even try to throw in an angle that could be construed as spiritual and maybe, just maybe, would lead someone to you. Sure."
I need to work on my humility, and my trust. See the thing is, I believe that God knows what is best for me. I believe that if I follow His will, things will work out in the best manner they should for me. I know that, far more important than material successes or accolades to feed my ego, if I follow God's will and use the talents He has given me, the spiritual contentment will lead to far greater happiness than any bestseller. Then why is it still so hard?
Trusting God is not something that comes naturally to me, even though on some level I believe it is the right thing, and the smart thing, to do. Because I still keep thinking that what I think I want is what is best. Even though, intellectually, I realize that what He wants for me will be far better than anything I could imagine for myself.
So I need to make a greater effort to pray for His guidance, and be willing to not only hear the answer, but to act on it.