Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Remembering to keep things in His hands

As last year drew to a close, my husband was on the hunt for a new job. It was a little scary, but mostly we used it as an opportunity to turn a (rather large) worry over to God. Our mantra was, pray and then do our part. We prayed, together some, separately other times. And we did our part, or tried to. My husband diligently searched for a new job, and I helped where I could, fine tuning his resume and cover letters and such. Things worked out, he was offered a new job with time to spare, and overall the situation was never terribly dire. Not dire at all, in fact, especially considering there are so many who struggle much more than we do. We are very, very blessed.

The thing is though, once he got the job, the holidays (and our oldest son's birthday, making the "holiday season" even more busy/fun/full of activity) were there and all that "pray and hand our worries over to God," well, that seemed to take a backseat.

It sure is easy to turn to Him when we have a pressing need, isn't it.

Once that pressing need was alleviated, I really slacked. My prayer life has been an extremely up and down road and I've been on a big downturn. And what do you know... what sets in? Worry. Fear. Anxiety.

His job began at the beginning of the year and the adjustment period set in. He has a lengthy commute, whereas before he worked just minutes from home (is he going to go crazy with all that driving? Will his truck hold up until we can afford a more reliable commuter car?). He works from home about half the time, but that is an adjustment as well. I love having him here, but it is different and has taken getting used to (is he going to be listening in on our school all the time? What can I keep in the house for him to eat on days he's home?). He has struggled with fears and worries related to his new job - is he doing enough? Do they see the value in his work? He's worked some very, very long days and I suspect he is driven by some degree of fear to prove himself, lest they decide he isn't worth it after all. And other worries have set in as well. Was this the right choice? Will this business grow and continue to be a good fit for him?

He called me on his way home tonight and as we chatted, it hit me - we haven't been praying about this anymore. We abandoned the conversation with God when the job offer rolled in. "Gee, thanks God! I'm sure glad it all worked out! See you next time something goes wrong!"

That attitude, unconscious as it was, isn't working out well for either of us.

Life is settling into a new normal. My husband has gainful employment. And end to our debt is possible. We're able to give more, do more and save more. We have everything to be happy about - everything to praise God for, and yet we find ourselves fretting.

Instead of waiting for the times when we have a big, obvious need for God, I want to work on praying to Him in the times when we're only living with the small, everyday pressures of life. Because those pressures, real or imagined, seem to crop up and start whispering in my ear, even when they aren't nearly so serious. And I know if I rely on Him now, it will not only help me to better rely on Him when things get tough again, it will help me weather the small stuff in the here and now.

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